Distress Diaries: A Compassionate Tool for Understanding Neurodivergent Behaviour 📖

When a child melts down in the supermarket, withdraws at a birthday party, or lashes out during homework time, it’s easy to label the behaviour as “challenging.” But for neurodivergent individuals - whether they’re autistic, have ADHD, or experience sensory processing differences - these moments of distress are rarely about defiance.

They’re about communication.

 What if we stopped asking “What’s wrong with you?” and started asking “What happened to you?” 💬

What Is a Distress Diary? ✍️ 

A distress diary is a simple, compassionate tool used to track and reflect on moments of emotional or behavioural overwhelm.

It’s not about control or correction - it’s about curiosity, connection, and understanding.

By noting what led up to a moment of distress, how it unfolded, and what helped, caregivers, educators, and neurodivergent individuals can begin to spot patterns, identify triggers, and discover support strategies that actually work.

What to Track 🔍 

You don’t need a fancy template (though you can make one if that helps!). A notebook, phone app, or even sticky notes will do.

Here’s what to include:

• What happened before?

  Think about sensory input, social demands, transitions, or unexpected changes. Was the environment loud?

  Did a routine shift suddenly?

  
  

• What was the behaviour?

  Describe what you saw—crying, yelling, running away, freezing, shutting down.

  Use neutral, non-judgmental language.

  
  

• How did the person seem to feel?

  Were they anxious, overstimulated, confused, scared, frustrated?

  Try to name the emotion behind the action.

  
  

• What helped?

  Did they calm down with deep pressure, a quiet space, a trusted adult, or time alone? Note what worked and what didn't work.

  
  

• What can we try next time?

  This is where the learning happens.

  Use what you’ve discovered to plan proactive support - visual schedules, sensory tools, prep conversations, or flexible expectations.

  
  

Why It Matters 💡 

Distress diaries shift the focus from managing behaviour to supporting emotional safety. They help us:

• Respond with empathy instead of control

• Reduce shame and build trust

• Support self-awareness in older children and adults

• Advocate effectively in schools and public spaces

• Create environments that support regulation—not just compliance

Real-Life Example 🔎

Let’s say your child has a meltdown every morning before school.

You start tracking:

• Before: Loud sibling interactions, rushed breakfast, no warning before leaving

• Behaviour: Screaming, refusing to get dressed

• Emotion: Overwhelmed, anxious

• Helped: Quiet breakfast, visual countdown, soft music

• Next time: Prepare clothes the night before, use a visual schedule, offer quiet time before leaving

  
  

Suddenly, mornings aren’t perfect - but they’re calmer. And your child feels seen.

For Neurodivergent Adults 🧠 

Distress diaries aren’t just for kids. Adults can use them to track shutdowns, burnout, or emotional dysregulation.

They’re especially helpful for those who mask or struggle to identify their own needs until it’s too late.

Try noting:

• What environments drain you

• What interactions trigger anxiety

• What routines help you feel grounded

Final Thought ❤️ 

Distressed behaviour isn’t a problem to fix - it’s a message to decode. When we approach it with compassion, we build relationships rooted in trust, not control.

A distress diary is one small tool that can lead to big shifts in understanding, support, and connection.

Let’s stop trying to manage behaviour - and start listening to it.