Realising You’re Neurodivergent Later in Life: Understanding the Journey 🔓🧠

Discovering you’re neurodivergent - whether through a formal diagnosis or self-identification - can feel like opening a door to a new chapter of your life. For many, it’s a moment of clarity:

“This explains so much.”

But alongside relief, there can be a swirl of emotions - curiosity, grief, even anger. You might wonder:

Why didn’t I know sooner?

What could have been different if I’d understood myself earlier?

These feelings are valid. Late identification often means years of adapting to a world that wasn’t designed for your brain. That takes resilience - but it can also leave you feeling exhausted or misunderstood.

Why Late Identification Happens? 🔍

There are many reasons why someone might not recognise their neurodivergence until adulthood:

• Masking: Learning to hide differences to fit in.

• Stereotypes: Narrow ideas about what autism, ADHD, or other neurodivergences “look like.”

• Gender and cultural factors: Women and people from minority backgrounds are often overlooked.

• Coping strategies: High achievers or those who develop strong compensatory skills may fly under the radar.

  
  

Understanding this can help you let go of self-blame. You weren’t “missing” something -you were navigating life with the tools you had.

Common Feelings After Late Identification

Relief 😅

Finally having an explanation for lifelong challenges can feel freeing. It’s like finding the missing piece of a puzzle.

Grief 😰

You may mourn the years spent struggling without support or wonder how life could have been different.

Anger or Frustration 😠

It’s normal to feel upset about missed opportunities or misunderstandings from others.

Hope 🤞

With understanding comes the chance to build a life that works for you - not against you.

Challenges You Might Face

1. Rethinking Your Story 📖

You may revisit school, work, and relationships with fresh eyes. This can bring clarity -but also sadness for the struggles you faced without support.

2. Letting Go of Old Labels 🏷️

Words like “lazy,” “too sensitive,” or “awkward” can stick. Recognising these were signs of neurodivergence - not flaws - takes time and self-compassion.

3. Navigating Conversations 💬

Explaining your neurodivergence to others can feel daunting. Some people worry about being judged or misunderstood. It’s okay to share only what feels safe.

4. Managing Burnout 😟

Masking for years can lead to exhaustion. Learning to unmask gently and safely is a big step.

5. Finding Support 🔍

Resources for adults can feel limited, but they do exist. Communities, strategies, and accommodations can make a huge difference and at NEST we are here to help you navigate this.

Practical Tips for Moving Forward

✅ Give yourself time – Processing this new understanding is a journey, not a race.

✅ Learn about your neurodivergence – Reliable sources like the NHS, and charities can help.

✅ Connect with others – Online groups or local meet-ups can provide community and validation.

✅ Explore adjustments – Small changes at work or home can reduce stress and improve wellbeing.

✅ Practice self-compassion – You’ve done your best with the knowledge you had. That matters.

Late identification doesn’t mean you’re late to the party - it means you’ve arrived at a new understanding of yourself. That’s powerful. Your story matters, and it’s never too late to build a life that celebrates your strengths.