Supporting School Avoidance with Compassionate, Practical Steps 🌱

Beyond the Classroom Door 💭

When a young person struggles to attend school, the issue runs far deeper than just “not wanting to go.” As we explored in last weeks post, emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) is often a response to distress, not defiance.

It might look like tears, shutdowns, refusal to get dressed, or physical symptoms like headaches and nausea. For neurodivergent young people, the school environment can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, or even unsafe.

The most effective support doesn’t come from forcing a return. It comes from asking:

“What is this young person trying to tell us through their behaviour?” 🧠

“What might help them feel safe, seen, and supported?” ❤️

How Do We Begin to Support a Return?

There’s no magic solution and no “one size fits all.” But there are compassionate, flexible strategies that can make a difference.

Here are some approaches that focus on the young person’s pace, voice, and neurodivergent needs:

1. Take a Phased Return Approach  🐢

A full return to school isn’t always possible or even helpful, straight away. A phased return allows the young person to build confidence and reduce overwhelm gradually.

Examples:

• Sitting in a familiar space like the library or sensory room

• Starting with one trusted adult and one lesson per day

• Gradually build up how long they are expected to remain in school each day

  
  

Progress isn’t linear. Some days will feel like steps backwards and that’s okay.

2. Create Calm, Safe Spaces 🛋

For young people with sensory sensitivities or anxiety, access to a quiet, non-punitive space can make all the difference.

This could be:

• A low-stimulation “chill zone” or sensory room

• A soft chair in the library

• An outdoor area with access to movement and fresh air

• A member of staff that they can go and speak to when they are feeling overwhelmed or when things get too much for them

  
  

These aren’t “rewards” they’re essential regulation tools that help students stay in school and manage emotional energy safely.

3. Build Predictability and Preparation 📅

Uncertainty is a huge source of anxiety, especially for neurodivergent young people

Support predictability by:

• Using visual timetables or “now and next” boards

• Giving advance notice of changes or visitors

• Starting or ending each day with a check-in or routine that stays consistent

• Offering transitions that are slow and supported, not rushed

  
  

Even small efforts like knowing who will meet them at the door can offer reassurance.

4. Prioritise Emotional Check-Ins 🧠

Neurodivergent young people are often taught to hide how they feel to “get through the day.” That internalisation can lead to burnout, shutdowns, and anxiety.

Build a culture where they:

• Know who they can go to when struggling

• Are asked how they feel, not just how they’re behaving

• Are given language and space to express big feelings safely

• Are not punished for dysregulation

5. Build on Interests and Strengths 🎨

Re-engagement is much easier when a young person feels successful and seen.

Use:

• Special interests as motivators

• Strength-based lessons where they feel confident

• Choice-based activities that offer control and autonomy

• Celebration of small wins (like staying for 10 minutes longer or joining a small group)

  
  

6. Involve Them in the Planning 🗣

The young person’s voice matters.

Ask:

• “What would help you feel safe today?”

• “Is there anything that would make this easier tomorrow?”

• “Do you want to come into school for just one part of the day?”

  
  

Avoid assumptions, even well-meaning ones. Young people often have ideas we haven’t thought of.

Remember, Regulation Comes First🔄

For many children and teens, the nervous system is still in a state of fight, flight, or freeze, which means learning can’t happen yet. Before we can expect attendance, we have to help them feel regulated, connected, and safe.

Sometimes that means redefining success:

• A week with no meltdowns

• Walking into the building

• Completing work from home while attending therapeutic input

• Feeling excited about a school project again

  
  

Final Thoughts 💬

School avoidance is complicated, emotional, and, at times, heartbreaking for families and young people. But with patience, compassion, and the right support systems, change is possible.

By slowing down, listening more, and centring safety over pressure, we give neurodivergent learners the best chance to reconnect with education in a way that respects their needs, values their identity, and nurtures their growth.